Now I’m not a man who would buy a modern version of a weapon forged for the spilling of your enemies blood on the battlefields of Sekigahara, but after listening to Mike Adams and learning about the coming zombie apocalypse and food riots, I knew I had to put aside some of my hard earned life savings to be sure I could buy this sword.
I prayed on my knees everyday that the sword would be in stock, because I know that in times like these, a weapon of this magnitude is in such high demand that it is almost unobtainable. This is May 2022, and even though satellite phones are all sold out, thank goodness we still have working internet and regular cell phone service. I logged on to the Dawsons Knives website and saw that the coveted katana blade was available! I could not type in my credit card information fast enough knowing that there were probably 50 other people doing the exact same thing as me.
My prayers were answered!
Now, I've always been a believer in the power of prayer. It didn't take long for the package to be delivered. I could hear the neighbor dogs howling in the distance when the long box was delivered to my door. I could see it right away. There was a glorious ray of sunlight spilling through the clouds like a magical spotlight catching all of my attention below. When I reached down to lift the box from my doorstep, the sound of the birds stopped. I could hear the soft music of a distant orchestra playing Handel's Messiah Hallelujah chorus echoing above me.
It all happened so quickly I don't even remember opening the box. Before I knew it, I was weilding a perfectly balanced katana in my hands. I could feel my biceps growing as I gripped the handle and a bead of sweat formed on my brow. I knew exactly what to do. And as if I had practiced the traditional art of iaido my entire adult life, the blade left the leather sheath and sliced through the air.
My wife could tell the difference immediately. I got a raise at work. My skin and hair have never looked better (Samurai hair is surprisingly very easy to maintain). I have my manly six pack abs back again like when I was 20 years old. Not to mention, with the power of this sword in my hands, our home is now completely invincible from any zombie attacks.
The only downside is that when I wear the sword, it does take me longer to get ready for work in the morning. Donning my entire ceremonial samurai armor with traditional Japanese meditation really doesn't add too much to my overall time. But, I must admit that when I have this sword on my side it does take much more time fighting off all the women propositioning me as I walk through the parking lot. "Sorry, I'm a married man," I tell them. Thus, I've decided that I will only yield the sword in the presence of my wife in the privacy of our own home. I'm afraid it's power is too great for everyday carry around town.
